*IN HALF* Stay Edge
Uhhhhhhm yeah let me try. It’s liiiiike. It started because I was scared of drugs and my friends doing drugs and that was in high school. A bunch of older kids we met identified as straight-edge and kind of started hanging out with us (Chris was one of them) and we played baseball or basketball or like swam at Dan Plasse’s or skated at the church and stole sodas from their fridge or broke into mills or went to pet dogs at the puppy shelter or like walked around town for hours and explored all the old machinery at these enormous areas that local companies dig up to use rocks/sand for whatever construction purposes. It was kind of the most beautiful thing. As much as it was plagued with bro-bullshit from time to time there were serious genuine moments of getting to see each other in very real ways at their own homes and see how they enjoy escaping it. Each person had a different way. Dan Jure played basketball by himself and lived in his van. Matt/RJ/and I made homes in abandoned polymer factories. When people started breaking edge they would usually just end up with different friends and that sort of just happened until our group got smaller and smaller and then we wouldn’t have enough people to play baseball, and then later basketball. This wasn’t like a big betrayal or like big sad moment or whatever but the focus just started shifting to parties where like you stiilll have like deep moments with people and are able to connect but it was just strange and different. So, now it’s a mixture of never really having role models in my life who recreationally smoke/drink/trip, feeling like the pieces of my self that I love came from being sober, and probably a little bit of wanting to hold that part of my history in my day-to-day. Because that’s what being sober reminds me of. But like, in the abstract, everyone is on drugs always. We all use something in the exact same way people use drugs. Things that are “bad for us”. Things that “keep us from reaching our full potential”. We all purposefully distort reality. We all have Gods we believe in. I just have an important piece of myself in being sober that I’m trying to hold onto.